just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
