My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
