PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
