since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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