You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
