Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
