Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
