There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
