I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
