you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
