I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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