I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
