I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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