just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
