i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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