i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
