I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
