There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
