My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just tell him i said nine months
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
