She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
