I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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