I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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