if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
