Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
