..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
