He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drake has all the answers
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm bleeding and have questions
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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