would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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