Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
