We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
