she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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