I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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