nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
