I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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