if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
