Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
