you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
