ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
