I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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