someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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