Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
