I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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