Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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