watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
