Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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