i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
