Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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