I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
