I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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