no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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