i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
