'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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