In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
