I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
