Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
