Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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