I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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