we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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