I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize