had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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