I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
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Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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