i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
