cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
