I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
