Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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