i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Randomize
