My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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