Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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