Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
