guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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