Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
