so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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