i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
