Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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