i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
