Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
