Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
