my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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