I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
